Asking for help is a lot like asking for directions when we are lost. If we drive a few more miles, we’re sure we will find our way. If we wait a few more days, our husband, our wife, our friend will surely see that we need their help. Asking for help makes us feel vulnerable. What if they say "no"?
As difficult as it may be for those of us who think of ourselves as completely self-sufficient to ask for and receive help, doing so demonstrates strength and intelligence—not weakness. By asking for support we are taking control and showing that we are in touch with the reality of a challenging situation and thinking of ways to solve or prevent problems. Being able to communicate your needs clearly and directly to your healthcare team, family members, and friends makes everyone feel better.
Most people want to help but don't always know how or are afraid of intruding. Others may be afraid of becoming too involved. By talking openly about your needs and the type and amount of support your family members and friends are each willing to provide, there is less risk of hurt feelings and resentment on all sides.
If you still need to be convinced, think about all the times you've helped others and how good it made you feel. Well now it's your turn to let somebody else feel good by helping you.
Choosing and Organizing Support
Make a list of your needs and concerns and who among your family and friends you think are best able to help. Talk it over with someone close to you before approaching others.
Be honest with yourself and others about they type of support you need—emotional and otherwise. Ask family members and/or friends to:
- Help you network to find doctors/sources of information
- Come with you to doctors' appointments to take notes
- Keep others up to date on your progress and manage visitors
- Help with children, meals and household chores
- Deal with insurance company, e.g., filling out forms, organizing billing
- Help in finding financial sources to help pay for treatment
Feelings of sadness, anxiety, anger, and fear are common for those with serious illness and for their caregivers. Depression and anxiety are especially common in people with chronic illness. Find someone you can talk with—family member, friend, spiritual advisor, healthcare professional, support group.
How to Help
If you are a close friend of a someone who is experiencing a serious health problem, you probably won't want to wait to be asked to help. Sometimes, though, it is hard to know what to do. You can find a list of suggestions at:
How to Help
If you are a close friend of a someone who is experiencing a serious health problem, you probably won't want to wait to be asked to help. Sometimes, though, it is hard to know what to do. You can find a list of suggestions at:
At the very least call or send a note. Don't worry about intruding or what to say. Your friend is still your friend.
Resource
Resource
Caring Bridge is a free, easy-to-use website that helps family and friends communicate with a loved one during a serious health challenge, treatment, and recovery. It takes just a few minutes to create a personal page that you can share with family and friends and use to build a community of support. The site also includes discussion forums and support for caregivers.
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